ABCDE

Hmmm..... i have been wondering after awhile. i dun seem to be the same person like before. i used to be very hardworking and used to be able to study very hard. but now i have been slacking a lot. i think it was during SAM. haha. i still rmb how i actually gave up studying thinking dat no point becoz so many good students. haha. i guess this have to change. and i think there is a lot more that i need to change. my mindset

i have this fear in me...fear to hurt others. fear to hurt ppl's feeling. fear to make ppl sad or disappointed. and at times when i actually did dat or rather i feel dat i did dat, i really blame myself and i really put a lot of pressure upon myself. it is like bearing everything upon my very own shoulder and keep everything to myself. not letting others no fearing that i will hurt them i return for letting them know, as ppl will tend to care and concern. I have this mindset that it is better to bear everything in myself rather than letting others know. then, i won't risk hurting them and in return, blaming myself for it. no matter how hard it is, i tried to bear everything. and i think this mindset of keeping everything to myself actually influence my decision in all circumstances and situations.

in a sense, i tend to put on a mask and everything seem fine. and in the end, even i lied to myself. the truth is even hidden from my sight. and i don't realise it till i actually throw every thing aside and start to meditate and think about it. here is wat i learnt from combined CT meeting just ystdy

A - activation of event. When something happen....
B - believe. when something happen, we tend to create a mindset or start to assume things
C - Consequential emotions. then, watever that we feel will be affected by wat we believe
D - Dispute lies. we need to remove the lies or rather the things that is not right from our mind
E - effect. what is the effect of the removing of the virus?

i think this is a very good lesson indeed. and i think i was reminded by the fact that i need to start renewing my mind and myself. Let's start over again from a piece of white A4 paper.

many times watever that we do, most the time is because of wat is in our mind. sometimes we have concluded in our mind that this person cannot be helped, therefore we dun even bother to help the person. it can be as simple as when i was a kid, i hated mushroom and that mindset continues until i grew older. from that time onwards, i refuse to take mushroom until one day i was forced to eat it, and then i impression changes. it is not dat bad after all. n i think there is a lot of us are being ctrlled by our past too much, either the lies or the false mindset. there is a need to start anew.

^.^